There is no question in here, just mindless ranting so there is nothing of value here. Any insight is always appreciated though.

Why is it that people in the psych field make a big deal about self-harm? I get stopping people from hurting others, that is a no-brainer. But I am literally hurting zero humans when I hurt myself. Why do they pretend to care? Is it legal reasons? It is beyond me why it is a big deal.

My psychosis has gotten to the point where I am considered a crack-pot by default and the psychosis isn't really that bad. Last week I bought a new sound card for my computer, I loved it. It produced great sound although it was a little finicky with Linux. It was squealing in pain today, making my music sound just awful. Nothing I did fixed it and after 3 hours I gave up and returned it to Amazon. I told my daughter about it and she said "Are you sure there was something wrong with it and not in your head"?

I mentioned this before, but sometimes right when I fall asleep it feels like I die and am trapped in my body. It happens a lot these days. It made me wonder if maybe I am dead and none of this is real. The rare times I leave my house, nothing feels real. Walking through a store makes me feel like a ghost and when driving it seems like I could drive through anything without causing damage. I am not even sure if I am typing this.

The only things that give me any feelings of peace are my grandkids. Without them with me I am a blob of nothing. The only other thing that helps is watching videos from a British bipolar(I think) lady on YouTube. They are oddly serene and I don't know why. She doesn't talk about happy things but they are nice to watch. Is that weird?

This is probably too long, sorry about that.