Thank you for replying, I'm feeling so lonely and in pain right now.
I do hope she comes back, I hope it wasn't just words when she said she'd never hurt me like that, when she said she loves me but I feel she'll just forget about me, even when she gets better she'll just forget because I don't know how, even in a bad state, she couldn't think about how much she's hurting me with that approach, especially when she knows she could have just told me her anxiety is making her go into that isolation mode and she might not respond to my messages so it's better to give her a few days. That would have made all the difference instead of this thing she did.

She was all oh I'm so so sorry and feeling so so guilty and I'm such a bad friend but I have to do this. That doesn't take responsibility away because once you know the other person and you've shared things and willingly stayed and accepted that person and built a strong bond, you have some responsibility, you can't just think oh I can't right now so I'm gonna block you on messenger so you can't answer this message and try to somehow make yourself feel better about it cause you're feeling guilty and sorry. If she's feeling guilty and sorry then she should do something about it, it means she knows it's not the right approach.

It's so hurtful especially when I think of how she always talked, even last week when I told her about my anxiety related to her starting work and possibly ending up bored of me when she finds some friends and whatnot.

She was all like you know I'd never do that and I understand why you're anxious about it but you'll see it's not the case, I'll just prove it to you.

She always told me, like I told her, that I'm worthy and she'd miss me if I were gone from this Earth and yet now she does this thing that she should well know could have well entirely destroyed me and would at the very least traumatize me further. It's like...I totally understand her isolating herself but not like this, I understand having a hard time coping with what's going on and not feeling like interacting and/or dealing with someone else's problems too, but it's not like I say anything unless she tells me it's ok so it's not warranted. I'd never do this and it's so painful because everything so far suggested she is honest about her feelings for me but this...this suggests maybe she wasn't. If you care that much about someone, do you do something like this when you're feeling bad?

I hope she comes back around and doesn't forget about me because I really can't handle another abandonment like this and I do love her dearly and we're such good friends but I don't know, I don't feel like I'm someone people think about randomly ,especially after something like this and shutting me off for who knows how long.

And since she blocked me(another sign of guilt maybe), I worry she might not come back even just because of that guilt ,in which case I would like to be able to tell her that if she just lets me know she realizes she shouldn't have done things like she did, it's totally fine, I would completely understand.