I'm not an alcoholic or a heavy drinker, but my relationship with alcohol is not healthy at all. 90% of the times I drink is in a substance abuse way - I could say 100%, because even in the rare times I drink socially it's to get high and stand others or myself. My therapist and boyfriend worry about my lack of "maturity" with alcohol. My therapist said that while I'm thousand of kms away from being an alcoholic, it's definitely substance abuse and self-harm.

I drink when I'm alone and hypomanic, I drink when I'm alone and depressed, I drink to feel the high and stop feeling bad, I drink because (especially lately) I just can't be alone without doing stupid things.