I was working in a big supermarket last years that I was loving very much and the people there were like a familly to me.. althouth some of the most close to me did really bad things to me at the end.. But now we`re closed and now I`m not the same person that I was there and with these people.. even though I try hard to keep this personality..

And I am sometimes really really angry to these close people that knew me well and did things to purposely hurt me!.. It hurt really really much cause I was so open to then and loved them so much!!! And I am really really angry!!! I want revenge! not that I will do something but I really want the same bad things to happen to them! I think this is the same little child that was angry to its parents.. The feeling of powerlessness is awful.. they are bad to me, thay can do whatever they want to me, and I can`t do nothing, I can`t even tell them..
At the same time I am afraid of them.. cause I can`t protect myself and they can do whatever they want to me.. I mean - reject me, make me feel down, isolate me from the other people.. win over me and laugh at my face!!! It`s so unfair!
And I was going great in the store and with the people there! My mind was great, I was open to everyone, joking all the time, flirting, dancing! I was so fully alive that I have never been! But I learned it from the people there! There were some great people!

What I must do now? Find another work with the hope that I will meet great people again.. and become someone again?..
Staying home alone makes me worse.. but even talking to someone now doesn`t make me feel better because it`s not the real me talking.. I feel like the real me..the little child..is lying inside almost dead.. not wanting to do anything.. not perceiving anything..