....I've started really missing you again. Possibly more so than at the beginning. I suppose because it's taking so long, my tiny, distant, whispering voice of hope is starting to get drowned out. In addition we weaned recently and I have found it difficult, not practically, emotionally. It wasn't my choice. Baby decided she didn't want / need my milk anymore. I know that developmentally that's the best way to do it, but I can't help but feel a little rejected. Then there are times when she is upset and wants my milk for comfort and I can't provide it, that's because she stopped taking it so my body stopped producing. That makes me worried that she might think I'm not giving her the comfort she wants because I don't want to rather than that I can't. I was mentally prepared to bf up to 12 or 18 months, it feels like I've had the rug pulled from under me ... and you're not here...