Geez, I wish I could help you, heal you, or fix you. Or better yet fix your parents. Parents can inflict damage that can never be fixed. Many of us are here because of it. Maybe the best you can hope for is to be honest with yourself, don't bury hard memories, accept them for what they are, your history. It seems easier at the moment to escape, but years later the anguish remains and you can't remember why. Life doesn't get easier that way, it gets messier.

Your parents are good role models. Don't be like them. Is there an adult you know who represents your values? It can be someone alive, or from history, or from religion, or maybe even made up. I read Sidhartha (?) as a teen and he, the Buddha, was who I wanted to be like.

It is very helpful to sort out your feelings in writing, here, and share them.

Be patient. You will find your own way soon.