Thank you both. Trish, I'm so sorry about the situation with your mom and agree its definitely alright to put ourselves first. It's crucial in these situations I think. It's taken me a long time to teach myself that I deserve better than what I've allowed for myself. I still struggle with this but it's much better than how it was even a few months back. I take lots of steps backward still though...it's a process I guess.

Open eyes, you are always so calming and helpful and I really appreciate you and your insights. I feel such a need inside to let it all flood out....I even had a therapist recently who I made a little progress with but that ended badly for reasons too long to get into. It's like I know I need to get it all out but something inside me makes sure I don't and my psyche punishes me when I try. I just don't understand it.