Hi there,
I feel like I'm at a loss here; it's as if I have so many things that are wrong with me... so not even sure where to start. I'll just begin with the most troublesome things and hope that it's just part of 1 thing...
I'll try to keep it as short as possible.
A short "checklist" would be:
- Intrusive (involuntary) and disturbing thoughts;
- OCD-like obsessions for preventing fire hazards/phobia for fire;
- Always tired; heavy "sacks" around eyes, average of 12-14 hours of sleep;
- Mood swings from very happy to very depressed at any given moment;
- Emotional eater/binge-eating when I feel bad;
- Always thinking about sex and horny most of the time, no "pickiness" in terms of looks... everything seems okay...
Involuntary thoughts: at random and at least a few times a day, I get involuntary thoughts that could be of anything of nature. For instance, I'd be petting my cat (I love him
) and I would randomly start seeing images of a dead or decapitated head of the cat).
Or, for instance, thoughts like
"I wonder what it would be like to drown", or whilst listening to my grandmother, thoughts like
"I hope she doesn't die of age soon..."
This is all very troublesome to me, because I'm a very kind hearted person and I do not like violence or anything negative at all. In fact, I try to avoid negativity altogether... but that's not possible like this.
Additionally, I seem to have an extreme need to always check the house for anything electricity-related, etc., and check 100 times before heading off to bed... in fear of the house catching fire whilst I sleep.
I also always check outside to make sure nobody is near my door or house, so I can sleep without worries.
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Emotions with parents vs. Emotions with strangers/non-family: Seemingly I feel uncomfortable to ever say "I love you" or hug my parents, even though I do love them very dearly... nor do I suffer from any abuse or whatsoever. I try to say it and show affection, but it feels like it's easier to fight a predator than to admit these feelings.
Strangely enough, with friends and the likes I'm very much open and loving.
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These are the two/three things that disturb me mostly. What would you say my starting point should be and what could this be categorised as, as to make searching information a bit more easy?
I'd greatly love some insights.