Hey all, I hope everyone is well.

I sort of have a rant (or whatever you want to call this).. So for the past like 5-6 months my health anxiety has been absolutely dreadful. Ive fully convinced myself I'm dying and I'm like living my life as if I am (which is terrifying). Anyways, like many of you know I'm pretty shy and stuff so even though I've been seeing my T for like 2 years it's still hard for me to talk (which is normal for someone who is anxious all the time lol)... So yeah I had a session yesterday and I was really quiet/reserved because I had A LOT going on in my mind so I was more focused on that rather than the actual session and stuff. So after my session when I got home, I realized that it must have been frustrating for the T to have me go in and just say one word answers and stuff so I figured hey let me email my T and say sorry I was quiet and whatever and tell her it was because of the stuff going on in my head. So I emailed her using one of my email addresses but it didn't go under my sent folder so I emailed using another (my emails have been bouncing back a lot so I didn't know if she got it). So I sent her like a page of sorry and apologies and she emails back saying she got the email and can't always reply and that shell see me next week -__-. That's it. Then it hit me, like I probably think about my T 95% more than she thinks about me. So basically I feel like an idiot and I sort of don't feel like going in next week but I'm going to wait a few days before calling and cancelling the session. And also during a previous session a few weeks ago she said something along the lines that like I'm really closed off (which I 100% am) and that I haven't shown any emotion in 2 years seeing her. Like whats wrong with that? That doesn't mean I don't feel things.. Just because I don't show it.

So yeah I don't know what this ended up being but I just wanted to put it out there.

Hope everyone is having a better time than I am currently