This is my first post. All I can do is tell you my experience and my thoughts.

First off after reading your post, you seem to have low self esteem which I am not sure your marriage is the cause. It may have been why you married this person but regardless I wonder if the self esteem is a cause or an effect. So, I would recommend trying to do something that may help in that area. I would see counseling for that or let them listen and help. Also, maybe seek a degree, with or without a divorce getting a degree and a job may help you with your self image.

I think that doing this for your kids is a noble thing. My situation is a little different but also similar. My wife left me and she left me with our 4 kids. For 22 years we had a fantastic marriage and home life. Then the last two years she changed. I thought it was just stress of job and raising kids, but it was much darker than that. I wont bore with all the details but it was like space aliens took her and replaced her with someone that looked like her but as foreign to me as you can imagine. She walked out the door to go to work, we kissed and said we loved each other and she never came home.

There were so many lies. Deceptions. We lost our home. I was afraid I was going to lose my job. My credit was shot. Life savings gone. My wife had a secret Facebook account and met the brother of her ex husband and off she went. Looking back there were signs, but I guess I was just an idiot.

That was 6 years ago when she left. We divorced two years ago so I busted my butt to keep her for 4 years of our seperation. I tried to hold the family together. I was willing to do anything. We still had sex. We still did things with the kids, but she would go home to her boyfriends. Me and my kids were just shocked, but I kept fighting. I even told her once just come back and you can keep your boyfriends and if you feel like you got to go away for a week, I will tell the kids you are traveling for work. I was willing to swallow my man pride and my ego and do this for the kids. Her and I even went to Florida together and whenever her boyfriend would call, I would leave the room or be silent so he wouldn't find out. I was still her husband.

My kids were shining stars. Athletes, captains of their basketball and soccer teams, outgoing and three of the four were great students, one has a slight learning disability. Statistics tell you that kids of divorce fall into these data fields after divorce, not a guarantee but statistically very likely
1. Lower standard of living - TRUE, we lost our home. Lost half our vehicles. Debt that I didnt know I had. Lower income. We had to shop differently and even eat differently
2. Increased absenteeism in school - TRUE, 3 of the 4 miss more school now more than ever
3. Drop in grades- TRUE, two of them for sure. One of them who was an honor student, I had to talk to the school for them to not kick her out, She would miss 2 or 3 days of school a week. That was under my roof and I could not change it. I could not discipline her because she simply did not care.
4. Trouble with relationships - TRUE, only two of them are old enough, but the one said she loved this boyfriend because he helped her get through the divorce. In the end he beat her up, he used drugs, and stole from me, and sabotaged her car. Another daughter became so attached in her relationship that it was not normal. She was a division 1 athlete on athletic and academic scholarship, so she had a lot going for her, it was really weird.
5. Depression - TRUE, one of my daughters has depression and a year and half ago had to be put on suicide watch. she told me with her crying that she didnt want to live. She denied for a long time she was depressed but then later said she was but said it was not the divorce. In the end she admitted it did start at the divorce.
6. DRUGS - My one daughter started smoking, started taking pills and selling pot. She was an honor student that barely graduated high school. She did not go to college and worked from job to job. she would not show up for work, she didnt care. All her friends were druggies and welfare recipients. She lost her job and just quit looking. She got her car repossessed and her phone shut off and sued by the bank. She slept with a married man and his wife turned her in for selling pot out my house that I had no clue, and then child protection services came to me to see if I was a fit parent.

My son for his his 8th birthday asked for his mom and dad to sleep in the same bed with him. We did
He has a friend as school and that boy's family is divorced. My son told me one day that he like having him as a friend because they talk about what its like to be a divorced family. I took the two boys trick or treating one year and the friend asked to go in this one neighborhood so I did. He told me he liked this one house and I asked why. He said I use to live there with my mom and dad.

I came from a good family. My mom and dad got married at 15 and 20 and were married until their deaths in their 80s. My wife came from a broken home of abuse and divorces and step dads and step brothers and half brothers. She swore she would never do that to her children, but that is exactly what she did.

I coach high school girls. I can tell which kids come from trouble homes and most of them are divorced homes. I now coach at a Catholic school where most of the kids come from intact home, the kids are different. They dont need me for anything else other than coaching, but in the other job, the girls were more dependent on me.

So I would suggest thinking it over and please please please honestly communicate with your husband. Before you think about saving the kids from a loveless home, try to put love there. If you have tried before, try again but do something different this time. Dont do the same thing and expect different results.

In my divorce and my marriage that I took a lot during our seperation, God and my Catholic faith got me through it and my kids got me out of bed every day. I learned a lot through suffering. I miss my old life every single day, but my life now is about giving my kids the best life with what I have left. So please, not asking you to be a victim, but to be proactive on behalf of you and your kids. Work on yourself, be honest with yourself and husband. Seek help

Its hard. I tried hard and i failed, but I am glad I tried my best. I at least have that satisfaction.

This is my experience and my suggestion. Im just one person and this is me. Good luck. Consider asking a higher being for help
Good luck, you are capable of so much more than you think. You sound like a special person to me. Dont think so much about the long journey, think about the first step