I think it is fear. Like getting "out of my comfort zone". The only people who have ever seen me cry are my parents. Like sadly I've lost 2 people I really looked up to (one extremely) and I was around like 12 for the first and 18 for the other (I'm 21 now) and for both I didn't shed a tear in front of anyone. I cried alone in my room, and I had a session with T the next day and talked about it without crying.

It's just because I'm not used to just letting go when others are around.