I absolutely feel a lot of shame and guilt for the abuse I went through starting from my first memory until a few years after I left home and had gone into the Air Force to escape (I had a knack for getting into bad situations, and alcohol was my friend and partner in a lot of those situations). I also feel a lot of anger.

I have several memories of abuse that I have never shared with anyone. I honestly don't know if I can. I have a constant dialog in my mind, where I am telling a faceless person what happened, but I have never been able to tell my therapist, or friends, or even my husband. One event I don't feel much guilt about, I was only 10 at the time, but events that happened when I was 15 and 16, and in later years, I feel that I had some ability to control, and could have avoided if I really tried. Well realistically the incidents at 15 or 16 I didn't have control over, and unfortunately, my "best friend", who witnessed these events, did nothing to help me at the time.