hey t - so here's what i want to say today and hoping i will be able to. So you got frustrated with me on Friday. Don't try to deny it, I know you did, and I don't blame you, hell I'm frustrated with myself! But I've been feeling so distracted since then thinking about it, like what happened Friday severed the rest of my attachment to you, and I need to know if that's true or not by coming there and facing you and saying this out loud. I'm sad about that, some, if it's true. Okay, really said. But I guess that it was bound to happen sooner or later, this t-client relationship was not supposed to last forever, maybe it wasn't even supposed to last this long who knows, seriously as I got up to leave on Friday I looked at you and realized I really don't know you at all, do I? And you looked even more different than after I dropped my illusions/fantasies if that's possible - it was like - the hair and glasses were the same, but your face was different again - so different you could have been a different person disguised as you. Weird, t. So that's why I want to come today. I'm so distracted thinking about all of this I can't focus at work. This relationship has meant so much healing for me that it hurts to feel it coming to an end. I'm seeing now why I sensed I needed to take a break. I needed that time away to come back and see with refreshed eyes or something. It's time for me to go, t. You know how you talk about projecting and stuff - I more than half wonder if I haven't been projecting my need to break up with you, onto my h, and thinking I want to leave him, because my attachment to you was so strong. Yeah, he's a big pain in the *** sometimes but I love him, t, I seriously can't picture my life without him in it, and I need to stop projecting 'our' crap on him before I actually damage my marriage. (What you said on Friday - when you were frustrated - that woke me up. You can call it what you will, but honestly woman, if I were so what you said to him - would I have fought to continue seeing you for as long as I have been? No, I would not have. I would have capitulated a long time ago. But I have continued to see you even though he hasn't wanted me to for awhile now because I have continued to find value in it.) This is some big stuff on my part and I feel so incredibly stupid in retrospect that this has been happening but I'm glad that I'm seeing it in time. I need to break up with you, t. So that's what I need to talk about later today.