My therapist seems like a cool person--in fact, we really hit it off. Possibly too much. Instead of therapy at her office, she wants me to chill with her at her house. She buys us fast food and has me look at her photo albums and tells her life story and it becomes a sort of reverse therapy sesh. On her invitation I started going to her preferred yoga studio with her. We talk about all the personal dramas with her “other friends” in her life, her family strifes, etc, at her home we play with her dog or instruments. (She doesn’t like my home as much although she’s been over a few times.) It’s pretty fun, so I don’t know why it’s so discomfiting. Deep down I really just want a therapist. When I arrive at her office for a session, she says “That’s it--we’re too close, I’m not your friend, I’m your therapist.” Then immediately changes her mind and says “What the heck, therapy’s out the window.” She repeatedly reminds me how illicit our relationship is, how warned she’s been about it, it’s almost like it “does” something for her. Out of the blue she’ll switch back into therapy mode and ask me an intensely personal question about my childhood. When I try to open up, I am always cut off. I have never received a validating answer or any kind of relevant answer. I will say something like, “My mom was a narcissist and I’m completely cut off from my family.” And my therapist (technically social worker) will say something like, “That guy’s picking at his forehead.” She takes her boot on and off several times a session and something about her foot is another common answer. Yesterday when I finally got a chance to finish a sentence and revealed something intensely personal, she abruptly cut me off as if uncomfortable and decided instead of therapy that day we’d go party at her house. I’m so confused, it’s almost like a kind of mind game. 6 weeks in twice a week and I have never once gotten to delve into any of my personal heartaches that I feel so desperate to reprocess and explore. The closest she gets to therapy is giving out tons of unsolicited advice. She is part of a pyramid scheme and she insists I can’t get involved in her side work; however I noticed when she was decorating for her pyramid scheme initiation party (whatever they’re called) she had made up a little baggy full of sample products with my name on it and she hoped I would come and not reveal to anyone our relationship. Yesterday at her house I wasn’t wearing a bra so I noticed when her hand accidentally touched my breast. I’m sure I read too deep into it, but because of the nature of our too-intimate relationship it made me wonder. She has told me her ex’s **** size, the amount of pot she smokes, the nerve pills she takes, her past involuntary committal to a psych ward, and several things I’d rather not know. I noticed we had a lot in common--maybe too much! She’s become so attached to me though and really considers us good friends and she’s bought so much stuff for me and she’s been such an open book--I don’t know how to cut it off. I know all of her other clients and stories by name, so I know she doesn’t get much business, and I know she needs the money or she’ll have to stay with her ugly, boring husband (her words, not mine) or else move back home. I only get so many hours of therapy per year with my insurance so I feel like the clock is ticking to try to heal (I’m in the disability process for severe PTSD and bipolar). How can I possibly let her down gently and move on to a new therapist?