I'm sorry I'm not sure there's really a point in this I'm just feeling so lost and confused, I absolutely don't know what to do anymore. As I said in my previous post, I've been feeling really suicidal lately, I have no idea what I'm gonna do with my life and I hate myself so much it's killing me. I've seen my T twice last week and disclosed some of my thoughts about it but I don't see the point. I feel like my T doesn't know what to do with me either. I've also seen him yesterday, I almost didn't say a word and neither did he, I feel like there's a huge gap between us when I've never needed his support so much. I told him I wasn't going to work or my classes at uni anymore and he asked why I was sabotaging myself like that. I don't know why, I just feel like everything is too hard for me at the moment. I also don't want to talk too much about suicide or be too negative because I don't want to put him in a difficult situation and I don't want my behavior to look like emotional blackmail. I felt like he cared too much last week, and yesterday I almost felt like he didn't give a s*** about me...
Sorry this is long and useless