(((LesFleursDuMal))) I can relate to the horrible lost and confused feelings and about not being motivated to do anything productive and hating yourself for it! I go through that every day! One thing that helps is an Al-Anon slogan that I heard a long time ago, "This too shall pass." Try to think about other horrible times in your life that you thought you'd never get through and how you did eventually get through it. IDK, that sort of helps me. Good luck, I really feel for you.