Well, he's leaving the psychoanalytic center for good. I told him, "I told you that you were gonna leave!!!" And he said, "Yes, you did tell me that-- but at the time that you told me, I really did know that I would be leaving for good."

Starting in January I will be seeing him at the other office. He said that we will set up a schedule of 2x per week. One of those days will be Saturday. He said that he wants 2x per week to be a set thing so that I won't get hurt-- because in the past we would do 2x per week during a break from school or something and then have to stop because of the schedule change-- and of course I would be devastated. He said that even if sometimes we can't do the 2nd session, then it will be done by phone in order to keep the 2x per week thing going.

He said that switching offices will afford me a lot more constancy beause know I can know that he will be there everyday-- and there will be a lot more flexibility in his schedule now.

Then (and I was really surprised about this) he told me the reason why he was leaving. He told me that he no longer wants to adhere to the strict psychoanalytic method that the center wants the therapists to do. He said he doesn't want to be a blank screen-- so he needs to go elsewhere. I told him how much I appreciate that he told me that.

The only thing that sucks is that the other office is in the suburbs, probably about 30 minutes away. I am used to the luxury of going to therapy right here in the city, accesible 10 minutes by car, bus, or subway. It will be weird to come out of therapy without the comfort of the skyscrapers. I always look up at them once I step outside of the building, as if to say-- yes, I am still here.

It was funny-- we were talking about the blank screen thing and how he doesn't want to be like that... and he said, "I answer questions, don't I?" And I said, "Well, you better start if you're gonna make me drive all the way out to the suburbs!" And he goes, "You better, too!"

I held the teddy during this session. I shared the letter with him about letting the SI go. I told him that he is the only one to ever get through to me-- to understand things about it that no one else every has-- to know things that no one else has ever realized-- that he has made the effort to see all parts of me-- told him how that overwhelmed me quite a bit.

After session I went to one of the accesory stores and found a silver teddy bear charm on a silver necklace. He is very sparkly. I bought him and am wearing him now. For some reason, it is very comforting.

Next week he can't be there on Saturday so we are having a session on Sunday.

Damn, I love him.