Most well-adjusted people are capable of empathy - this allows them to enter into the experience of others (obviously with some limitations). Part of my pathology is an excess of empathy where I pick up the feelings of others and sometimes can't function until I'v managed to ease any discomfort I imagine that THEY are in.

Part of how empathy works has something to do with mirror neurons. Studies have shown that when two people are in conversation they will unconsciously mimic mannerisms of each other. This assists in making them feel what the other is feeling.

Because I was raised by someone with NPD I think I missed out on the primal experience of empathy which means I have alienation as a fundamental default mechanism. (hopefully I manage to one day change this). I tend to assume others are JUDGING me as opposed to connecting or relating to me. It sounds like this may be part of your concern?