(((Hope))))
It takes a lot of courage to put yourself out here, posting your vulnerabilities and your pain in a place like this. I hope you can see the strength in that.

In following a thread on the forum above, I kept thinking how supportive this place is (for some people). A lot of us have been consistently supporting you-don't forget about us. Many others here only receive 1 or 2 responses if they are lucky, or barely even acknolwedged. It's very sad sometimes. Maybe other forums might not be as much of a risk. There's a trauma forum and attachment forum here, among others. One of the downside is that they're usually not as active. Maybe people aren't as interested in talking about psychology there.

Sometimes i think people who never start threads of their own, exposing their own vulnerabilities and pain like you did don't realize how their words can feel like they are kicking you when you're down. It's awful to be in pain or feel so low that you feel better off dead then hearing words that serve as little confirmations of bad feelings about yourself. Mood can really affect sensitivities, especially when you already feel like you want to die.

Take care (and hopefully stay away from that psychiatrist!)