I try my best to be helpful and share what insight I do have if I see someone like yourself who could benefit from it. I just would hate to see you write yourself off as evil when I certainly don't see you as evil, and I doubt anyone else reading this thread does either. It takes a hell of a lot for me to consider someone evil, and you're not there. Not at all.

The point is: there's hope for you. Don't write yourself off. You're not as far down that "evil" path as you fear you are.

I'm a narcissist and I've known many, you don't sound like one to me. I mean, you sound like you really hate yourself... and that's unfortunate, sincerely.