Thanks, all. I have been reading some research on childhood trauma and psychotherapy recently. I've tried CBT but, to be honest, while it has helped me identify the negative thoughts and recognise where they come from, it is not very successful in actually helping me deal with emotions. I had previously preferred CBT because it helps me draw on my strengths - my analytic skills - and does not require facing scary feelings. I have been very active in seeking support and help from early on, in my early teens I sought help from school counselors, although, looking back at it, it's strange that they never intervened. But, then again, we didn't really have social services when I was growing up and the whole country was such a mess I can imagine a depressed teen in a broken family with an alcoholic father was just a drop in the ocean.

I don't know if that would help anyone, but one of the things that left impression on me while reading about different approaches in psychology/psychoanalysis, is that the fundamental lack in the life and soul of somebody raised in a dysfunctional family is the lack of a significant other, a parent who loves them unconditionally. I know this is pretty obvious, but the mechanism through which this works can help as a kind of strategy for dealing with the effects. When a kid is loved and cared for by their parents, they internalise the big other who is loving them and this feeling of love and protection becomes part of their personality, the way they see the world, and the way they relate to others. So, despite being able to learn and practice all adult strategies for coping with life and depression, our emotions are wounded by this lack. Some people manage to find this loving caring big significant other through religion and spirituality, so it is not impossible to do it. I know a lot of the advice about mental health is grounded in facing reality and analytically separating perceptions from what is really going on around us. But I wonder if imagining and inventing what is lacking could be of help. I have tried it when it was the hardest, imagining a well-intended, supportive presence that knows me to my core and accepts and loves me for who I am in every situation, mistakes, weaknesses, being dumb, being strong, happy, or sad. I haven't been very consistent but it does help. It helps more than trying to think myself out of being depressed or anxious. This is not projecting onto a real person, it's just an internal good, strong, and loving presence, someone who had to be my mother or father but wasn't. It's an experiment, I thought - what if I just invent the parent that I feel I deserved and let them be in the place of all those thoughts and feelings installed in me. I guess this is similar to the idea of changing the script of your life - something that I don't quite understand as an idea and method.

What are your thoughts about this?