((((Amanda)))),
I am so sorry you were treated so badly at another site where you had friends and was banned like that. It is so obvious that would be a major trigger considering the trauma you have gone through.
It's so unfortunate that a site that is meant to provide support can end up hurting/triggering/rejecting someone that way.
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I don't think these nightmares will ever go away. I think I may have to live with this for the remainder of my life.
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Try not to anticipate this being something that will last your entire life. The brain is an amazing thing and can heal in amazing ways. Also, we are really gaining when it comes to understanding the brain, more than at any other time in human history. There is an ongoing study taking place when it comes to trauma and understanding how trauma affects the brain, how to help those who have PTSD and traumatic brain injuries. In time there will be new ways to treat the brain that can add a lot of quality to life.