i think i often downplay how bad im doing during a depression. i dont think i mean to, but i suppose its shameful admitting how non-functional i sometimes am.
i was more honest w my T today, not sure if it was helpful or wise to do so, but i suppose it feels better to talk about stuff than keep it inside.

i actually think maybe my pdoc doesnt fully believe me when i tell him how bad i am. like if i can keep a job and an apartment i must be fairly ok. so maybe i dont even try that hard anymore w him.

i think i just suck at opening up and trusting ppl. they really need to ask the right qs sometimes for me to be totally honest.