Thanks Bizi. He mostly knows but he can't fix it, just help support me through it and I prefer not to alarm him as I don't need him calling the cops on me again. I need to get through this period and perhaps things will get more steady but it's unlikely as what is happening in my life right now cannot be fixed enough to matter yet. I'm riding the waves. I wish I could promise that I will be ok, it's more likely than not that I will be in most ways.....the past proves that I make it through, usually safely. My thoughts are very dark on and off and I do worry I will make an impulsive decision out of desperation but hopefully and most likely not. I think worrying I will is falling into the anxiety category more than a realistic fear. I refuse to go to the hospital....those people try to kill me. I need some chains in the house....like if I were a werewolf and needed to chain myself up on a full moon. The moon is only a sliver tonight, not full. I'd prefer to be chained in my house than put in the hospital. It's abuse either way, I don't know the answer to this problems. I might need to leave my family for awhile if I plan to stay alive, but without them I want to die more than I already do. I don't have the answers....I just want to stop crying. I'm scared of my meds and scared to stop them also. Got a test done at the doctors today which might help me get some relief in the future......that is something positive on the horizon maybe, or maybe not. Please don't worry but thank you for caring.

Enough about me, How is the internet addiction going?