Hi Bren,
After long years of cycling in and out of depression, winning some and losing some, false dawns and relapses, I have come to believe one thing.
I have been learning how to feel ill. My aim has been to get so good at feeling ill that sometimes I don't even notice it any more.
None of us know how bad it is for another person, but I guess it's pretty bad for all of us on this board. Each of us has to find their own way through somehow, with the help of our fellow travellers.
I hope your way gets easier, Bren.
Cheers, Myzen