If I thought I was useless before, well I'm full blown crippled now. When my mind is finally placed back to reality and lacks the torment of hallucinations, all it desires is self-destruction. In an effort to avoid that, I force myself to remain under the safety of my comforter. It's desperate. Desperately attempting the act of surviving. Not long after are my breaks from reality in which I fear for my life -- a startling contrast to wishing for death -- and all I see and hear are those no one else can witness. It's scary while I'm driving. I'll see the guard rail swing out in front of my car, cars will follow me and attempt to cause me harm, but they're not actually there and/or not attempting anything abnormal on a highway.

This is my life. "This just ain't livin'."