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Why should I even bother changing anymore? Why should I have to do things the hard way? I've been questioning this for awhile and I'm done trying to figure things out on my own so I've taken the time to write up an in depth analysis of the only options that I see available for myself and depending on the responses that I get, I will make my choice.
I'm also considering giving up on PC because lately, I've been finding it hurtful rather than helpful since I have been seeing a lot of people healing and doing better for themselves while I continue to be miserable and chronically unhappy.
So please, help me figure out a better way of looking at things because things are too overwhelming for me.
Here goes:
I've been beginning to think that it's not worth the trouble for me to even bother changing. After all, why should I have to deal with the trouble of trying to find a therapist who can actually help me (which would be a draining challenge in itself considering that there are many who either think and do things differently than me or who flat out suck), spend the hundreds or thousands of dollars on sessions, and spend what will most likely be several years to heal just so I MIGHT be able to have more meaningful relationships with people.
If I will always have difficulties both with forming healthy relationships with people and functioning in society in a manner that is considered "acceptable", why should I have to suffer even more going through the lengthy and financially restricting healing process only to possibly make my issues "less severe". Why should I have to spend years of my already painfully short existence being more miserable and money that I could instead use to do something meaningful with my life such as going to school or starting a business or even something that could bring me happiness in the short term such as buying a new video game or gadget or eating out at a nice restaraunt, if I am going to have difficulties anyway? I'm perfectly well aware enough to realize that somebody who has been through as much trauma as I have can never fully heal 100% no matter how hard I try, so why should I bother?
I don't see the point in taking on any task no matter how big or small unless the positive experiences (pleasure, reward) outweigh the negative (work, pain). Simply put, I value pleasure above all else and I see no point in attempting such a task that holds no benefit for me in the short term UNLESS I can be convinced that the reward will be worth the effort and pain. As a result, I believe I only have 2 options available to me:
Option 1: Strive to get help any way I can. Find a therapist that doesn't suck and see them weekly and do what they say. Read up on some self health methods on my own as well as practice healthy diet, meditation, and exercise to streamline the process. If I succeed I just MIGHT be able to form a healthy relationship with a woman and have meaningful relationships with other people before I'm 35, yet they still would likely not be the same as a "normal person's"
Option 2: Focus all of my efforts on escaping from the pain any way I can rather than healing. Get myself lost in my work during the day and play video games or watch anime at night. If these don't work on their own than participate in other unhealthy behaviors to get my needs met. Focus only on learning skills that are profitable rather than waste my time learning knowledge that might help me become a better person. Strive to start a tech or video game business and eventually become rich and powerful off inventing something that people love. If I need money to achieve my ambitions, get it via questionable means. Let all of my friendships revolve around my tech and video game centered lifestyle which would mean that all of my friendships would be online. Get my sexual needs met solely by prostitutes when I start becoming financially successful since I would be able to afford it that way I can avoid emotional intimacy like the plague and prevent a woman from eventually betraying me and taking half of my assets (this happens to all rich men, right?) Yes, I realize that I would likely have it worse when it comes to relationships with other people if I chose this path rather than the first one but at least I would have a more eventful and interesting life and would have a strong possibility of being loved and remembered by the rest of humanity when I die which would at least ensure that I won't ever be forgotten.
Last edited by Anonymous52222; Mar 30, 2017 at 01:17 PM.
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