A recurring event in my life has been the feeling that people seem to believe they have to power to say whatever they want to me, with no regard for my feelings or the consequences.
From the way teachers talked to me, shop assistants, strangers in the street.

One such recent event led me to joining this site, so if it is alright, I will tell the story and use it as a starting point for me here.

I am a careful driver, no points on my licence, I do not drink or exceed speed limits.
On my way to an appointment with the mental health team, I had to stop behind a huge tanker which was offloading fuel to a house, completely blocking the road.

A woman jogger stopped by my car and made some sort of hand gestures. I ignored it and then she sternly said something like, "Slow down and give me some room!"
I was shocked and paused as she continued running up the road. After a few seconds I opened my door and start shouting. My opening was "F*** off!" and then I proceeded to swear the most revolting abuse at her, calling her every derogatory name possible. I know she heard because as she was running away she did turn back and say something but because my tirade was constant and I was turning the air blue, I have no idea what was said.

It was a total shock. I am a careful driver and feel that I did nothing wrong, so to be 'interfered' with in this way really angered me and made me feel ridiculous. I have to be honest and toyed with the idea of catching up to her and hurting her.

In the end, I turned away from the blocked road and saw her on the alternative route. I got a kick out of driving directly into her path, forcing her to run up onto the grass verge by the side of the road. I was so angry I hoped that she was terrified by this. I stopped the car and starting swearing at her again as she ran away behind me, again calling her dreadful names.

I was already very late for my appointment and so decided not to run after her and hurt her.
Thinking about it now, if I play things through it would not seem a bad thing. I have no criminal record and I do not want one.

But I have to say that my thing is 'revenge'. It has been a theme throughout my life. If you upset me, I want to upset you. I want to know that I have bothered you and you will be thinking about it for days, possibly the rest of your life, just like me.

Does what happened make me a schmuck ? That is how I feel when this sort of thing happens. Am I so worthless that people can talk to me however they want to, even if I have done nothing wrong ? Should I have hit her ? Will she remember this ? Did I do enough ? What should I have done ?

Help me, please.