Quote:
Originally Posted by finding_my_way
i have had a lot of variations of this throughout my lifetime.
some was feeling like i was being watched from the outside (as a child, it was eyes in the walls at one point or times kids did watch me in different situations and thought it was funny) or a feeling of being watched from above (like a higher power type thing due to something i was told/overheard as a child) or being watched from the inside which is more related to the alters/parts.
then there is the usual fear/paranoia type of being watched and potentially being followed/hurt (but some of that was reality too in the past).
there are a lot of variations of it for me, so it is a mix of PTSD, DID, and other things that all co-exist and the effects of it all depending on which is the prominent one (or sometimes all at the same time).
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After I read your post, I have been thinking about it. I have experienced the feelings you are describing too, pretty much all of my life, that I can remember. It's in different levels and ways, but it's as if there has always been "someone" there.
Yesterday just felt so real. I kept looking over my shoulder expecting to see someone standing there. My son actually walked in the kitchen, behind me. I turned around and almost jumped out of my skin. I think I scared him more than it rattled me!
It was good to find it in black and white, in the book that I am reading. (Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving, by Pete Walker) I guess it gives me some reassurance that I'm not losing it.
Thank you for your reply!