You seem to see this as a very black and white issue when there are problems many, many options in between that can actually accomplish the positives of both #1 and #2 while at the same time avoid the problems with each of your defined black or white paths to your future. But honestly, I'm not sure you really want to hear them. In your mind, you seem rather hell bent on doing all the negative things to somehow fulfill your own most negative views of yourself. You have positive options that are workable, but you are unwilling to do the work.