That doesn't sound like therapy to me. I'd just stop going. She probably won't even ask why, because this part:
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When I arrive at her office for a session, she says “That’s it--we’re too close, I’m not your friend, I’m your therapist.” Then immediately changes her mind and says “What the heck, therapy’s out the window.”
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shows that she knows she isn't doing therapy with you. If she does ask, just tell her you need a therapist who doesn't throw therapy out the window.