hi gerber, you've said before that you have had those special moments with your T on occasion, the ones of connectedness you are now looking for. During these special times, does he do the talk softly be gentle thing that you are looking for? If so, then that is a good sign that he can give you exactly what you are looking for. Can you tell him you really valued those times and wish you could have those with him more frequently? If you can't tell him outloud, could you slip him a note? I think he can't know what you need unless you tell him. If he hasn't ever done the talk gentle thing with you, then what did he do when you felt those moments of being emotionally held? Maybe the way he did it then is how he would do it in the future, and you could ask specifically for that? (Like maybe the talk gentle thing is just not his style but he can provide the holding in this other way that is more "him".)

There was a time I wanted more empathy and "holding" one session, and the way I told my T was to tell him that today I just wanted him to be my therapist. Maybe that was not the most direct statement in the book, but he really got the message! Maybe if you are unable to be direct, you can use the "code" that you guys have worked out between you two to ask for what you want.

Have you told him you are feeling depressed right now? When I tell my T that, I get extra care. I hope you can share this with him, especially the part about you think he cannot help. Maybe he can and will step up to the plate! Or maybe he will recommend a change in direction to get you the support you need. I hope you can trust him enough to tell him how much you are hurting. Hang in there.