Also, I know my Dad starts majority of the things. He tries to pin it on me like it's my fault. He gets very defensive it's in his nature because he is a criminal attorney for over 30 years. So he starts immediately getting defensive and doesn't want to hear it when I tell him the truth. Lately as of the last few years it has gotten much better between us. But from time to time now once in a while maybe a few times a year now this happens. Majority of the time it's just verbal but there has been some physical altercation. Also I'm trying to get away from my dad I'm actually trying to leave the state of Florida where I'm located. I want to move to a different state because I hate Florida and general even though I was born and raised here. But that goes back to people treating me like A5 year old and trying to dictate my life.

So I don't know what to do, if I get away from my dad it will be less fighting but all the rest of the problems will still be ongoing. So that doesn't help me get help from anybody to fix some of my problems so I can become a better person and function in life. I know I can do better and I even know what's wrong with me and I'm even admitting it and crying out for help. I just don't have anybody to physically go with me and help me. I mean all these problems except my family members getting sick and dying could have been fixed if I actually got in the help I needed when I tried to get the help. Because this has been ongoing for a few years now that I've been trying to get help and I've gotten not a single thing of help. But again I'm not going to harm myself in any way comma I just feel the worst you can feel without actually wanting to harm yourself. I mean I just don't know what to do. I feel like honestly giving up in a sense that I will just stay home and do nothing and not even try anymore to accomplish anything and just do that because that's all I can do for myself.