Lots went on today and I am tired and emotionally drained.I had a counselling session,we went over lots of painful stuff from the past.I explained how I have no choice now but to distance myself a great deal from my mother.Her latest verbally and emotionally abusive behaviour is too much to allow or tolerate.I must for my own health and safety cut her out of my life to all intents and purposes.

After counselling I enjoyed lunch at my favourite cafe and after that saw a film which I enjoyed.

Came home to an upsetting email about a complaint I made about some nurses that abused me.The investigation absolved them and try to say I perceived abuse where none was intended.I replied to that before saying fair enough if you won't acknowledge abuse took place then I will make a complaint and report your nurses to the Nurse and Midwifery Council that all nurses must be registered with to practice.They now want me to attend a department meeting and discuss what happened with strangers and expose me to the distress and embarrassment of having to verbally go over the distressing incident with them when all they want to do is save their nurses from getting into trouble without regard for what they did to me.I refused to attend or discuss the matter further and would write to the N&M Council I replied.But very upset about that.

In fact all I went through today triggered my PTSD again!

I also heard from the council about my hedge dispute.The neighbour owns it it is planted on her land but runs along my drive,I had been maintaining it well my sister was but narc sis got given marching orders so I couldn't do it anymore cos I am disabled and can't do heavy manual work,neighbour promised two years ago she'd do it on my side too.But she hasn't lifted a finger,she wouldn't remove it,maintain it or pay anyone else to maintain it.It made me angry cos I paid £60 to the gardener over two years to maintain it.Anyway I tried to get the council involved they said to me tonight if it is on her land but growing along my path and coming into my space,then I am allowed to trim it and cut it back,and am expected to be the one to maintain it on my side.Legally they think I am entitled to be reimbursed for what it cost by the owner but this has never had alegal precedent,it hasn't been tested in court cos the cost of claiming in court is prohibitive and would cost a lot more than just shutting up and forking out myself for maintenance.So the cow of a neighbour knew all along I couldn't do anything and she didn't have to lift a finger that is why she told me she wouldn't touch it on my side unless it became an obstruction.Needless to say I despise this woman and the trouble she has caused me.It has been very stressful.

I am now also worrying about losing my benefits cos the government has recently made moves to take money away from disabled people who struggle enough as it is.More stress and worry.I also am alone with all this the counsellor is the only support I have and it gets isolating and that hurts.At least I had someone to talk to with mother but one sided most of the time in that she would get the support from me and abandon me when I needed support,she was company of a sort though.But that is over and it is hard being totally alone.This has turned into a book,sorry to moan on.Rant over!Maybe a mod will move this post to the couch if they see it?

Going to bed now I reckon it is time to switch off and rest!