Trigger warning below

I think you are right about this. I hope you are able and get some help. I need to share something I'm dealing with right now. When I was around 15, my best friend at the time, who I had known nearly my whole life and was like a sister to me, watched me being raped and did nothing. 2 strangers helped me and she wasn't even supportive after the fact. I forgave her, I figure the night was traumatizing for us both. 2 years later I confided to this best friend when our boss, who was a much older Asian man with kids older than me and my age in my grade sexually assaulted me in his office. I ran out and was very traumatized....my best friend called me that night and asked me to tell her detail what happened....I did and half way in his daughter (who my friend had listening on the other line) started screaming LIAR!!! It was such a betrayal and killed me inside. How could she do this? And why did I forgive her after that? Making friends has been especially difficult since, sometimes my paranoia about people turning on me is so overwhelming and suffocating. It's happening right now with my current best friend.....I feel she is not understanding me and is against me. I know it's from the past trauma and I'm working past it but I'm so angry I must have these thoughts to begin with. My old best friend got really into Scientology so hopefully they are harassing her to buy books and cast out those little fellers that scientologist are infested with

I've been diagnosed BP but really think it might be all PTSD related and hormonal. I got some medical test results back and have done some research and people with hormonal issues are often misdiagnosed with BP. This makes me hopeful but upset as I hear the psych meds I'm taking, which I tell them make me sicker physically, do make people with my issues sicker.

Thank you for supporting me everyone....I really need it right now. Shame does sound right Nammu....deep painful shame...not just over what has happened, but how I responded and all of my weaknesses as a result. I need to make better choices about the people I let into my life going forward, but I do need to let someone new in....can't stay stagnant forever.