I too have also suffered the same abuses when I was as a child. I think you really do lose your childhood when you are forced to deal with all of that. I know I had to grieve my childhood, in fact many times during the course of threapy.

As recently as last week in fact. My stepdaugher gave birth to a terminally ill baby who lived a month. The love and caring that baby got in one day was more than I ever got in my whole life. So I was sad that I didn't have that love. So after 3 years of therapy, I am still grieving. I don't know if this helps or not, but I think I understand how you are feeling. I think it might be a step in the process of healing from your childhood. I am not sure, because I am trying to heal too.l Take care