I have major issues with self defeating thought. I know it wasn't my fault, I know I didn't cause what happened, but I feel like I was responsible for it.

I feel responsible for still letting affect me, and so around I go in an endless loop of defeatism.

I know the issues, I know the problems... figuring out how to change it though seems impossible.

Its like grappling with an exact replica of yourself internally.. you get worn out, but the other you doesn't..

Thank you for your words.. I need to start speaking more and actually explaining what's going on in my head...

Still on the waiting list for a Therapist.. Somehow still taking my meds..

Still existing and surviving somehow

This week has been particularly bad I think because of the lack of sleep really hitting me hard, and when I do sleep it's not restful as they are full of darkness and terror.