I'm not any smarter now. I think I am sometimes but life proves I'm not. There is not one shred of evidence to support that I'm smarter now, in fact I'm much dumber. How do you get over that? How do I get over what happened to my poor mom? I'm traumatized by it all....by the betrayal more than anything. By the never ending cycle that cannot be broken because it's far too ingrained. I think I make better choices, but it always works out the same...every single time. Doing is differently than before but still the same results. People are disgusting and cruel and evil and that is the only lesson to be learned in this life. My poor young son will be eaten alive by it and I can't do a damn thing to stop it. I can't even begin to talk about my oldest boy and what pain he will go through. And I try, I really do but I just make it all worse. Which one did me in...which experience? There are too many and I don't know where to focus my anger so it sits with me, my companion and tormentor.