Thank you all SO much for your replies! You've made me feel so much better

It's dead embarrassing, but I've just decided that one thing I refuse to feel over my symptoms anymore is shame.. What is shame - thinking I'm bad, a bad person.. And an illness or a disorder does NOT make me a bad person!

I'm looking into buying depends online.. It feels mortifying and a while back, I wouldn't even consider it, but now I'm thinking it's gotta be better than the mortifying fear I feel when out and about..!