Hello Boaz. I'm new here myself, but have used forums in the past for support. I tend to be long winded, so I hope you like to read.

I have Bipolar Type II and so only get Hypomanic, so I have never thought I was a movie star or jesus or could fly... nothing like that. Since I have accepted my diagnosis in 2006 I have been on moodstabalizers and have lost the hypomania's that used to drive me away from mo SO and into a crazy, partying, sort of life for months at a time. Unfortunately the Moodstabalizers have also made me fat and A-sexual (I have NO sex drive) and that is starting to threaten the relationship. Sometimes it seems yoiu can't win with this damn illness. But I'll try to share some stuff I know about what sort of state of mind your wife may be dealing with, that might help you figure out how you're gonna deal with this

My advice to you is this: You just have to be patient, wait for her mood to switch back to depression or for the mania to get scarry for her, and be waiting there to help her when she comes crawling back sayin "oh god why did I go and do all that?" or "I am going out of my freakin mind help me". And she needs to know that you are still there for her waiting and willing to forgive her once it's all over.

You could and should TRY to get her to see it from your and others perspective: that she's not acting like herself, that she should talk to a psyche doctor, that she might be Bipolar... but if she is truely in a manic upswing, she is not going to be able to hear a thing you're saying. She'll just think you're a downer, that you're jealous or selfishly trying to control her etc. I wouldn't push the point so hard that she starts seeing you as the bad guy and completely pulls away.

When you're manic or in a real good feeling hypomanic state, you're either completely unable to think rationaly, or you can have this overwhelming sense of a "new self" and "new true meaning for your life" that you feel like you've just discovered. Everything suddenly "makes sense", you "know what you have to do" ... even though really, none of it makes much sense... and once you get treatment, you'll be shocked at just how irrational, impulsive, selfish and strange your ideas about yourself and life were COMPARED to how you usually are.

It's kinda a sad reality to have to face becaue when you're in a postive manic/hypomanic state, LIFE JUST MAKES SENSE... you're genius, you're sexy, you can change the world, you just want to have fun and life IS more fun.
It would be nice if none of us Bipoalr peeps had to come back down from that state because it's a wonderful place to be (for us, probablu not for those around us though) -when it's going good -But it ALWAYS turns bad- sooo, we crash, and the world no longer makes any sense. THAT IS WHEN OUR LOVED ONES ARE OUR SAVING GRACE: Once the fun part of the ride is over, we are lucky if there is anyone left to help us put the pieces back together.

Some people aren't lucky and they loose thier marriages, thier families, thier retirements, thier houses, even thier lives. Others, like me, luck out and the people who really love us, who tried to tell us all along that there was something wrong with how we were thinking and behaving, they stuck around thru it all because they, like you, knew that this just wasn't US. That there was some sort of illness or madness going on and that we needed help.

I am lucky that the people in my life who really matter have been STRONG ENOUGH to put up with my BS, wait it out, and had the compassion to not hold it against me.... to just be there ready to help me when I finaly was able to face the fact that I was ill.

Now for me, it took SEVEN YEARS of me going thru these cycles with my SO, AND it took my almost dieing by my own hand befor I finaly could accept that I was ill, the doctors were right and that I had to take this thing seriousy, take the meds and educate myself. Hopefuly it will be easier for you and your wife.

With my SO I would love him like no other for months, and then something would change, I would become annoyed with him, I'd start drifting away, and then I would basicaly abondon him except for a few days here and there every couple of weeks where I was back at home wanting to make things right. ... but then it was right back to partying and wanting to "live for the moment".

The one thing that I think made the difference between our being together today or not was that thru it all we remained friends even if we did have other relationships and were "taking a break". not that I am saying that this is going to happen with you and your wife, just that IMO the best way to keep from having her run off and never speak to you again, is that you let her do her thing while keeping the relationship alive whatever way you can. If she is SET on divorce, then unless her episode subsides and she is able to have insight and realize she was ill BEFOR she starts really pushing to go thru with it, then the only thing I can think you can do is keep on with the couples therapy and maybe agree on a separation. Try to keep things from getting heated and staying that way, try to let her have her space and still remain friendly. That way you guys will still be on talking terms when it is over and thru with and she's realizes she needs help and remembers that you are the one that she loves and wants to be with.

I mean you can try to get her to see that she's ill now. In couples therapy you should bring it up. But if she is not going to hear any of it, and it is something that makes her start viewing you as the enemy, then all I can say is that you'll have to back off with the idea otherwise you could end up pushing her away to the point where you wont get her back. ... I guess I am saying if you push the point too much that you think she is just ill, and she rails against that idea and pushes you away, when she does finaly come down and realize she was being mental, she'll be more likely to be to ashamed to re-establish contact with you than if you make sure that you never completely loose your connection with each other.
When it's all said and done she's going to need to know you are still there for her (if you are), otherwise the shame of how she's hurt you might be too much for her to face.

When I was ill I just did not have control over myself, and I was not being reasonable. It is sort of like being on cocaine or under the influence of a drug that makes fun things even more fun, life more exciting and you more willing to throw your inhibitions to the wind and live for the moment with no real cares or worries about responsibilities or loyalties. Except it's your own brain that is manufacturing the stuff and you have no choice about "being under the influence", it comes and goes without your consent. And of course the GRANDIOUSITY makes you think that everything and anything you are doing, no matter how stupid it really is, is the right thing to do, because YOU ARE SUPER AWSOME and know everything and everyone else who says anything otherwise is a jerk off idiot.... even the people you love and trust the most when you are sane can become the "jerks".

It's sad. I have hurt my SO so many times, but I have been one of the lucky ones and he knew I wouldn't do that if I was well, and he loved me enough to put up with it. I don't know how he did it, just that I know I will do everything in my power to keep from getting ill again because I never want to put him thru that again. He is a saint in my eyes and I love him and I never want to forget that I love him again.

I think the most important thing to being able to be with someone who has Bipolar Disorder is to be able to NOT take the things thier illness makes them do Personaly. That is a lot to ask of a person and some people just can't do it. But if you can do that then everything will most likely work out between you two. I mean I know you're gonna take stuff personaly when it happens, everyone does, but after the fact, it's a matter of being able to forgive the person because you know they didn't do those things to intentionaly hurt you. If you can't do that then in the long run, you're gonna be miserable and she's gonna be miserable. But you sound like a guy who really does undertand that marraige is thru thick and thin, sickness and health, good times and bad, and can be an adult about things and make the marriage work. If you weren't you wouldn't be here asking for help, going to therapy etc.

Until your wife can come to terms with the fact that she's Bipolar... (if she is, it could also be drugs, a bad reaction to medication, a head injury, I mean there are a lot of diiferent things that can cause someones personality to change. But with a history of depression Bipolar makes sense) , ...she really doesn't know what she's doing IS CAUSED BY AN ILLNESS. Until she hitts "rock bottom" and has to accept she is ill, she wont be able to understand that those feelings and thoughts and urges etc., were not what she really wanted. At least that is my opinion as a person who has Bipolar type II. Maybe with Bipolar type I, where mania is really really out of control and really can not make sense to you once it's over, it is easier to realize that you were ill at the time and not just "feeling better".

See with Bipolar type II, if you spend a lot of your time being depressed, as a lot of us do, then Hypomania can seem like you are simply feeling better and you can think "this is who I really am, this is who I am meant to be". And even after the episode is over, and you're back to being depressed, you can still think "that is who I should be" about how you were when you were hypomanic.

I think it's easy to get confused about it because hypomania doesn't make you so far out of touch with reality that you can't look at it after the fact and make some sense out of it. And compared to the usual state of depression, hypomania is a gift in comparission, it's how you wish you could always feel, it's how you think normal people must feel. I mean even if it leads you to do mean, careless, disloyal things, it is SUCH a relief from the depressive part of the illness, that you tend to naturaly rationalize it durring the episode and even after if you haven't messed up your life enough to really be forced to see that you were ill, not just feeling better and more independant etc.

For me I had spent most of my life since I was 7 years old in depression. Looking back I have had very little "normal" stable time in my life. When I was depressed I KNEW that THAT was not how normal people felt. Just the way people reacted to hearing about how I felt was enough to let me know that I wasn't "normal". But when I was Hypomanic, people didn't react to me as if I was unwell. People simply treated me like "oh finaly you're here in the real world with the rest of us" because I was able to be social and happy, and not such a downer. SO I thought that THAT is how normal people felt all the time. When I was hypo I no longer had to "act" so much in order to fit in and have relationships. It just came naturally, and it just made sense, with me not having known what normalcy /stability of mood was like, that THIS, (being hypo), was what being normal was. And anyone who tried to tell me anything else was a jerk who must have wanted me to go back to being depressed and miserable.... Yes it doesn't make any sense that my loved ones would want me to be depressed, I know that now, but then, I dunno, I was just a tad bit insane.

I really hope that your wife has a short episode ad doesn't end up acting to nutts. Hopefuly my sharing this stuff with you helps. If not I blame it on the cold medicine