Your basic problem is social isolation. All those various diagnoses you've mentioned are really beside the point. A very prestigious psychiatrist saud in a lecture I attended that it takes him five years to of seeing a patient to become really confident how much of their problem is mood disorder and how much is personality disorder. He said most of what psychiatrists tell you after one or two interviews are nothing more than wild guesses. These diagnoses are all theories. One hundred years from now they might be replaced by new systems of thought. What's real is your loneliness and yearning for a relationship. Therapists used to concentrate on problems of living, rather than coming up with labels. Don't be impressed by any label anyone gives you and don't look to label yourself. That resukts in "Trencher must be this way, or that way, because that's how people with X-diagnosis tend to be." Pretty soon you start imitating what you think your diagnosis is. Very unproductive. If you could find a good therapist, it might be helpful to you.

You know that your attachment to violent pprn is not normal. That's good that you realize that. Basically, evil moves in where there is a void. You have to crowd it out with other things.

What you're doing here is not going to get you anywhere. You need a better sense of privacy. Nobody here is going to do Freudian analysis of
the inner workings if your mind. Nobody here is qualified. Furthermore, there isn't a lot of evidence that people find their quality of life improved by Freudian analysis. You might be surprised at how many bizarre thoughts go through most people's minds. Lots of people have all kinds of weird fantasies. Most of us do not really want to hear each others' wildest imaginings. Learn to keep some things to yourself. What you're doing is using the venue of this forum to more deeply explore what you already know is getting you nowhere. So wise up. Nevermind worrying what's a symptom of what. You know you're lonely and frustrated. You know that your thought processes are not healthy . . . not getting you where you want to go. So stop being fascinated by this pathology. Lots of people have had disturbing experiences . . . and have had disturbing behavioral or mental responses to those experiences. A lot of that initially came into your world uninvited. Why isn't necessarily that important. You don't recall being molested, but simple loneliness and boredom can set the scene for odd obsessions. Have a zone of privacy. This mental activity of yours is not providing you any real satisfaction. So don't immerse yourself in narrating it, as you are doing here. That's just fueling the fire. Seek membership in a program for individuals with similar obsessions and give it a chance. Going to one meeting is not giving it a chance.

There's an old saying about these kind of mental habits that I think offers wise advice. "Thoughts are like birds. You can't stop them from flying over your head. But you can stop them from making a nest in your hair."

In therapy, you might be able to address your relationship with your parents. I suspect something there was seriously problematic. Less intellectualizing about how various disorders affect the mind would do you good. Think about the nature of relationships in your family of origin that are aside from sex. You are overthinking sex. Think about other aspects of the dynamics in how your parents treated each other and hiw they treated you. I believe that at the root of sexual problems and obsessions are issues that may have nothing to do with sex. Look there . . . and forget diagnostic labels.