Thanks so much, ElsaMars. Your support really lifted my spirits right now. I hope you feel validated as well and I know how awful this is to go through. You're a trooper to have gone through this for so long.

I'd love to talk and also hear from you sometime. My depression causes me to distance myself from everyone. Sometimes I just feel like hiding and won't respond for a long time, so just a heads up.

I feel a lot better, but I can see in the back of my mind those thoughts flickering still. I know they're still there if I feel better, so all I can do is learn to fend them off while I'm on a break from them. I mostly feel that if I felt that way all the time, then life really wouldn't be worth living, but I suppose the truth is that I don't feel that way all the time. Like right now, I don't feel like dying, and I have some things to look forward to.