ElsaMars--I am sorry if I made you feel bad. I am sure you are right--I surely don't understand fully all the complications and challenges that you face. I know I can be insensitive and possibly have a more shallow POV. It is obvious to me that you are having to overcome so much more than I have ever had to face. Believe me, I do understand a tiny bit (though I realize I don't know your full story) about feeling guilty in regards to being a bad parent. I feel like my children are not fully enjoying their lives/making the most of their potential and I feel helpless about changing it. After all, true change comes from within. I can encourage them but also feel guilty about some of the negative messages/bad examples/the stressful environment that I contributed to the mix. You are right--I did not mean to hurt you. I think I might have trouble helping because my coping skill tends to be numbing my feelings, withdrawing--that kind of thing--I have only cried once in the last 4 years. So maybe that is why it is hard for me to comfort you. I am concerned about you because when you post so much, I get the feeling that things just are not quite right, that there is a lot of pain between the lines or something. I do sincerely like you. I read many of your postings because you are so kind and sensitive. I wish I could help but know I can't but I really do care!!!

As far as improving my children's situation goes, sometimes I feel more helpless than I should. The power struggle (it always seems to be about the children) between my H and I can be exhausting. I get tired of it and pull back for a while but then feel completely guilty about some of the things I have allowed him to say without challenging him enough about it. I wish I had realized years ago what the dynamic is in regards to this power struggle. I did not examine my terrible gut feelings the way I should have years ago. Sometimes it seems like it is to late but when I am not as depressed I think to myself that I must have the strength to offset some of Hs traits or maybe the fact that we are not on the same page about it all causes the worst damage of all. Recently, someone told me (a person who gives very good advice) --that "the damage has already been done"--it felt terrible to hear that because perhaps that is the case but I have noticed when I give up hope about the situation--I become completely depressed. As long as my children are alive and I am alive, maybe something might change. I was so desperate when I attempted that I mistakenly thought money (a life insurance payout) could help. It can't. Happiness comes from within. Money reduces stress but does not make us happier once we have enough to meet our basic needs.....

You are in a lot of pain--your pain comes because you care so much. I really do wish you weren't hurting so much....