I finally understand everything and everyone. I finally know my place, station, reason for being. No matter how safe I try to make things, I will live in constant fear and hopelessness. I will always have my life threatened by those who claim to love and care for me. I am a living, breathing punching bag. We don't make it. Not people like us. Who am I fooling by telling people it gets better. Why do people lie and tell me it will? Then kick me when I'm down over and over? I'm not even acceptable to the lost souls.....I'm acceptable to no one and accepting myself makes no difference when your constantly kicked, beaten, punched, robbed, ridiculed, ostracized, not forgiven for even the tiniest thing when I forgive anything. I do no good, I take up space and make everyone suffer. I don't mean to and I used to think intentions matter but they don't. Not in this insane world of pain and hurt and attacks. It's normal to be threatened constantly. It's absolutely normal.....for people like me. And people who aren't blame me cause I really must deserve it in all their eyes. I will write my letters and people will know what they did to me. I've got far more than 13 reasons to feel like this. More years means more reasons and I will soon turn into everything I hate about others. I can't watch this decline continue. I have one thing left that I'm proud of myself for but it's dying. I can't watch this. I can't be here for this. I'm hurting, in pain, sick, insulted, insulting, angry, hurt, hostile, docile, screaming and silent.