this is totally guy based ... so take this with a grain of salt ... in my opinion do not tell your real guy "r" about the fantasy of another man ... unless he is superman it will lodge in his mind and never leave ... if you must keep the older guy "fantasy" use it with the bondage you mentioned ... if you can get the "tied up" game you wanted to play try a blindfold also ... then you can let the "older guy" fantasy run away with you ... but when making love (face to face) with the real guy be there for him ... live in the moment whether you orgasm or not ... just one guy's opinion ... play safe ... Tigger.