sad mermaid said it perfectlly ... let me add that masturbation is as natural as peeing ... it is the response to a natural body function ... I don't want to bash Priests but there anti-everything beliefs has caused a lot of sexual abuse by them ... that should be enough to cause you to doubt their "rightness" ... what was done to you is unforgivable ... it would be as if you had been told to not laugh ... a part of who you are ... was taken away ... but it does not need to stay that way .. the rest of your life .. is just that .. "your life" ... live it under your authority as an adult ... you do not need anyone's permission or approval ... you are the adult .. put bad advise , guilt ... in the past .... good luck my young friend ... Tigger.

ps: I struggled with most of what you are ... the sooner you accept responsibility for your life as the adult you are , the happier your life will be ...