Well since I have no one else to talk to, I'll just keep this thread going. It's really hard, I'm having a rough time, always anxious, feeling abandoned, having moments of just such intense sadness and loss worrying she's never going to talk to me again. I saw her like a couple of posts on Facebook(not my posts, it just showed on my timeline that she liked a couple of random posts) and I started crying because I just want to know she's going to get back to me and because of course I'm thinking well is she better and still not saying anything, does she not miss me, is she not thinking of about how I'm doing.

I'm sorry to hear about your friend doing that to you, it's such an unwarranted thing to just unfriend someone out of the blue, without trying to at least have a conversation about it first.

I'm feeling kinda' like you did then, although my friend didn't unfriend me or block me entirely on Fecebook, just the messaging system and she's certainly not doing that out of being upset with me either, there's no question about that. In a way that makes it worse and more confusing cause there's nothing to even apologize for or make me think I deserve it.

Normally I would agree that when someone abandons you or might have abandoned u(since it's uncertain at this point), without having done anything wrong, it's not really a reflection of you and your worth. However, this just keeps happening to me, in some way or another. Friends either simply fade away once their lives are better and/or they make more friends, or they abandon me or it turns out they were just after something.

So, I don't know if I'm worthy or not, I don't know if i'm just unfortunate or boring or too emotionally scarred ,but for whatever reason it's pretty clear love and support and being important to people are things I can't have.

It's already bad enough it seem no man can find me attractive because I'm a masculine woman, I'm already severely deprived because of this permanent lack of affection and intimacy so what happened with my friend this week really just took the last ounce of hope I had, along with the only source of real connection and support.

Maybe I'm weak but I can't keep taking punch after punch after punch and go without ever meeting any of my needs for human connection and touch and all that, and just stay positive and keep running optimally on empty.

Yes, very close and it certainly doesn't go away for me. I know that's exactly how she's feeling, overwhelmed and with some extreme anxiety about the job, which is fine if she comes back but she still had zero reason to block me and especially when she knew it would hurt me. If she comes back it's fine though, it's all I can think about but maybe she'll be too guilty and avoid me for that reason or just forget about me like everyone does.

I agree with what you're saying about her blocking me. Now, I'm more than willing to let it slide this one time because I know she's struggling a lot and I know she's avoidant and tends to isolate herself when she's having a rough time, but if she comes back I'll have a serious talk with her and tell her that she should prepare for such moments, maybe write and save a message for when she feels like she's going to be compelled to bail for a while, something compassionate and sensitively put that she can just send to me instead of a confession of guilt ,a litany of sorry's and a block.

She really should take into account how her action will make me feel, especially when I'm having a hard time and dealing with anxiety and abandonment issues. I do trust this person because she proved herself before to be there when I needed support and she has always been very open with me and I could be very open with her and she always had the right reactions. That's why it hurts so much more than any other abandonment, because she really is good and she really did come through and proved she cared, we really do have this bond and I don't want to lose that, especially not because of a bout of severe anxiety.