Dear Wild Coyote, Thanks for your important insights. Everything you write about rudeness is SO TRUE!!! You are doing well by recognizing that the person is insecure, which is why they lash out. I'm not "there" yet. Like you, This is all true for me too, what you wrote, "I am very careful to be kind and fair; I expect the same from others, which is, sometimes, expecting too much." I get it completely about expecting to be treated kindly. Then, when a person lashes out, it's a shock. I've been known to lash out, especially when I think someone is incompetent at their job. I KNOW that it was just that they were not given proper training! So I usually realize this and don't attack the low person on the totem pole. But one time I had arranged for my musician friends and myself to do a jam session at this coffee house. I always arrived early. I told the Barista that I was there for the music. He replied defensively! He said "There's...no... music...tonight!" My initial response was okay -- I just said, "But there is, there is. Andrew (the supervisor) has it all set up." Then the barista went away and when he got back, he said roughly, "It's not in the calendar!!!" I don't remember exactly what I said or did, but I was rude, that's for sure. Oh yeah -- here's part of what I said: We ARE going to play music tonight and WE WILL." I did call another musician that was coming, and "cried" on her shoulder on the phone. I was shaking and upset. She listened, then gently said, "If you talk that way to someone working at a venue, the whole group will get a bad reputation, and nobody would want us to play there!" ' Wow. That sure was an eye opener for me! I apologized to the barista. He had been trying to get the owner or manager on the phone without success. But he said we could go on and play anyway, so it all worked out ok.