You seem to have sound ideas about marital commitment, even if you entered into it with something less than rollicking enthusiasm. (I'm going by the last sentence in that first paragraph.) It certainly sounds like your husband and you love each other. You both are still in the process of making adjustments to the demands of nurturing a marriage.

I don't think you would be wrong to negotiate some limits on his online support seeking. This is a generational problem. Young men these days spend an inordinate amount of time online, either gaming or doing other things. They'll find out how objectionable that is, someday, when their kids are holed up in their bedrooms doing the same thing, rather than participating in the family. I'm not a believer in people who are in a relationship auditing each other's devices, demanding passwords and tracking each other online. That throws mutual respect out the window. At the same time, I would have little patience being left alone, while my partner goes off into cyberspace to get his need for companionship/understanding met. "It's easier to talk to people online than in person."?? Please . . . I'ld call that "testing to see if you're stupid." It would not be wrong, IMO, to actually designate time intervals when it's okay to be immersed in one's device. People don't get married just to save money on rent. It's not okay to become mentally absent at the drop of a hat.

Lots of us leave our families of origin with some unmet primal needs. The way you talk about wanting reassurance from your husband to enable you to be more independent reminds me of the way very small children are said to need to return frequently to their moms for security, so they can feel bold enough to explore being away from her. I think some marriages are strong precisely because that is where some individuals are getting a long unmet need fulfilled. There's nothing wrong with that. (My parents were not very demonstrative of affection. I wound up with a guy who loves to give hugs.) However, not all spouses are giving in precisely the way the other party needs to receive. Offering reassurance may not happen to be your husband's strong suit. That can be unfortunate for you. He should be willing to work on that, but he is who he is. Examine and compare how the two of you were raised and the emotional dynamics in your childhood homes. Some of us carry around an unmet need from early in life that, perhaps, no one can ever completely remedy.

I totally understand not having an easy time making friends. Same with me. But you absolutely must have friendship outside of your marriage, if you are going to become all you can be and not emotionally drain your husband. At the same time, I think that, in really good marriages the spouses are each other's best friends. You have a right to strive toward that.

It seems you're a verbaliser. Me too. Maybe our men aren't so much. But, with love, we can work around that. When he manages to reassure you effectively, praise him. People can learn.