I'm having a rough night physically and it is affecting my ability to think clearly. Please keep that in mind if I say anything offensive - I really am trying to help.

My wife is my best friend and I love her dearly. She is also perpetually stuck in a child ego state (see TA). When we met, that worked perfectly for me. I lived in an adult ego state - in fact, I thrived on it. I also spend a fair amount of time in a parent ego state taking care of a special someone. I have DID and a very prominent alter with whom I am co-conscious with nearly all the time who found a playmate in her. Healthy or not, it was a good fit.

The more time my wife spends in child ego state, the more time I spend in parent ego state and the less time I spend in an adult ego state. It isn't the parent ego state that finds her desirable. Just like a parent needs a break from the kids once in a while, I need a break from being the parent in our relationship. I do this by spending time alone. Others have other methods.

I am not saying that this is what you are going through...just that the insecurity and clinginess made me think of this. As I said, I'm in pretty bad shape right now so I'll leave it to you to decide.